so are u like ashamed lol?
not really. i dont look at it as being homeless. im just going to pretend im on an extended camping trip
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
