Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
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