Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
