im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
