How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
i already hear my dad disowning me
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
Randomize