if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Who would have sex with her? She looks like she shops at baby gap
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
