I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Randomize
