Whod you bang
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
You are mentally unprepared to be exposed to my degree of perversion.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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