the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
