It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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