I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
You screamed "There's a potato in my anus" and proceeded to attempt to grind with the bouncer. Also, I'm pretty sure our Chem teacher was in the same bar as us.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
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