she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Randomize
