haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize
