I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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