i just wanna soil my oats bro
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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