I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
She announced her abortion via fbk
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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