So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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