idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
