my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
