i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
