Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
