I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
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