I can tuck mytits in my pants
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
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