I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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