next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
