Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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