i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
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