I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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