Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
