we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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