I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
