did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
