Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
