pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
barbara walters just said penis...
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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