please come you make the beer taste better
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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