Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I fill condoms, not promises.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
