we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
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