Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
