is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I'm drunk and he's still weird.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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