We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
first reaction to dying the pubes purple - awesome. Reaction after I explain the process - not awesome. Hypothesis? when girls find out you know to bleach and dye your hair, they're turned off.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
So much Jack, so little girl.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
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