Screwed.edu
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
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