found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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