I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
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