therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
Girls should come with a carfax report
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize