I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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