I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
He put his burrito in the bag with his dildo.
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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