i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Boobs speak an international language.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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