At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
