My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
