the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
