We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
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