i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
