in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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