god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He signed my ass with a Waffle House pen.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
Randomize
