What a fucking waste of an outfit
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Clearly that person doesn't understand how efficient getting drunk and working out at the same time is.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
