I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
