I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
