im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
whose parrot is this?
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
