ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
I want her autograph on my taint
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
