yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
After what u did to that bathroom I think the $30 and the "sorry I'm a jackass" note was the thing to do.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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