If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
