i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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