Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
please come you make the beer taste better
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
