I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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