In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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