a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
