i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
