Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
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