Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
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