I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I want to have your abortion
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Randomize
