Just fell off a train. Bad.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
