Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
