Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
Randomize
