There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
