I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I seem to have left my pride at pride
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize