Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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